I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
