and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
