I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
