Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
