someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He did a backflip because drugs
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize