Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
