i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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