just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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