Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We're too hungover to prance.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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