I am puke
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
