mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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