My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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