Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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