meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
