We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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