i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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