pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
