this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
