NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
