You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
