She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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