No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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