He had one of those small greek statue penises
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
