I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So here I am, sexting at work.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
