do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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