Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
