I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
