I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
