we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
