EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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