Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
