how can u be prego again
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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