Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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