I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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