How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
