I want to have your abortion
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
