So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
