Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
