If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
