Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
