all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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