Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
