that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
