kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
