he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
