i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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