where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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