You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
