Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
