Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
How's work?
Spinning.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
