somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
