hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
