So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
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His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
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For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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