I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
ok first of all what the fuck
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
