you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
