During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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