she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Farmville is her only friend.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
