How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
