i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
