Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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