Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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