Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
