I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
