Pappa wants mamma naked
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
