Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
