My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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