you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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