Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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