I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
