dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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