i already hear my dad disowning me
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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